she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think people are normalizing furries
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
