So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need water and some morals
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
