next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
