I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
