you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
