just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
