I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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