it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
