He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
