i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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