I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
