everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
