I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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