Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
