:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
