I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think i got beer on your cat.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
