this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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