Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
