At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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