i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
