really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
