I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
