Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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