I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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