Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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