Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
