Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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