I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
