were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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