didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I didn't shave. On purpose
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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