They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
