I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
