Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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