Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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