bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
