yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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