i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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