Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize