so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
