arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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