just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
