I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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