How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize