I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
