I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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