I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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