Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
