PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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