i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
