college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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