theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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