I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
