I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
