GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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