is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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