That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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