She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
