So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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