If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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