gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
