if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
