My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize