I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
