Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Semen is not good for contacts.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize