the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
