super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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