Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
