if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dear god my vagina.
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