we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
