Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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