xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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